connection – Ben For The Win

This week I have been struck by a word that seems to be hanging out behind me, I try to ignore it, thinking if I do, it won’t tap on my shoulder and rear its ugly head. The word is difficult. I called my mom this past week about some tough decisions I needed to make, and through tears I ended up saying “Haven’t I had enough ‘hard’ this year? Can’t I get a pass?”

Later that same day I met up with a friend who just wanted to talk. I sat with her and cried as she told me she had just had a miscarriage. There I was swallowed up by the ridiculousness of thinking my silly decisions were hard. This was difficult, I sat with her and I cried.

I read this week about a new friend I have met online because both of our babies have had open heart surgery. She found out that her two year old baby girl will have to have open heart surgery again. This was difficult.

Just now while on a break from work to get some water, I scrolled through Facebook on my phone and read about two other friends who were sharing about their loss through miscarriage, rather than a celebration and pregnancy announcement. This was difficult.

Why do these things happen? Why are we confronted with diagnosis, loss, hardship, and pain? What purpose could be had in something so terrible and painful. I over this past year have had my fair share of questions and begging God for answers. Why would my little baby have life threatening conditions and have to go through traumatic surgeries to correct them?

Personally all I can do to comfort in these situations is to share what I have experienced through my questioning. There has been some relief in seeking out verses that talk about Jesus’s comfort like Proverbs 18:24 “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Or how Jesus is willing to take all of my anxiety 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” Or Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving submit your requests to the Lord.” How Jesus will provide peace in Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” And countless others, but when my own heart has been broken by “difficult” things, there is a level of disbelief in these words. How can these things be true when my heart hurts the way it does?

The most beautiful description of the character of Jesus and the truth of His words I believe is depicted in His actions regarding Lazarus. In the beginning of chapter 11 in the book of John, Jesus is contacted by dear friends of His. Mary and Martha contact Jesus to let Him know their brother, Lazarus is ill. Jesus explains to them and to the disciples that the sickness and death of Lazarus will bring glory to the Lord. Jesus knows, He will raise Lazarus from the dead and tells them this openly. When Jesus gets to the house, and Lazarus has died, Jesus sees Mary and her friends weeping and Jesus cries with them… Let that sink in. Jesus weeps even though He knows life is on the other side of the door. He knows He will walk in and raise Lazarus from the dead.

I have never before read this with such a closeness to Jesus as I have when my own heart was crushed. Jesus weeps with me even when He knows the goodness of what will come. He is not bothered or annoyed by my disbelief. He does not see me in my lowly state and say, “Joanna, don’t you know there is life everlasting? This life and its hardships don’t matter.” His heart breaks with mine, and He holds me.

My prayer is that in every difficult thing that you may go through is that you would know this in the depth of our heart. Jesus cares. Not just a little, but deeply cares for you. He sees your pain and cries with you. But the good news of the gospel is that we don’t have to sit in despair, there is life on the other side of the door. Christ came, paid the price of death, and will one day return to make all things whole. He will return to give life in its perfection.

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

But for now, reach out, call out to Him and the people He has placed in your life. Let others help to carry the burden and cry along side you. What greater purpose could we be called to then to connect and breathe life and hope into each other.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am the absolute WORST at keeping secrets. The only exception may be to that is my dad, but as they say “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” For both of us, I believe it comes from an unquenchable thirst for loving life! When my oldest sister had her first baby, making me an aunt, I posted a picture of him to social media less than an hour after he was born. He was here! I was an aunt! I was so bursting with pride over him, I failed to realize I stole the announcement of his birth to the world from his parents. Whoops. Still sorry about that one, Britt.

I just love celebrating. When my brother sends me a new jewelry design he has worked on, I freak out and it takes everything in me not to post it all over my social media, potentially ruining an engagement surprise. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and I don’t think I have ever been able to wait for the actual day to give him a birthday or Christmas present.

Life is short.

I want to soak up every minute of it, and celebrate every tiny win. I often find myself way over excited about something and being surprised that no one else is celebrating the free donuts at work the way I am. It is something I feel like has given me a unique perspective and a way to connect with people that I otherwise may not. Joy can be infectious, and I think everyone could use a little more of it. That is why I can’t contain it.

On the flip side though, I love connecting with people where they do feel comfortable to confide in me. I love listening, and I want to know what is going on in your life. I want people to feel comfortable to share things that they have been holding in and dealing with alone. Jesus calls us to be this. I believe this is what he means when he calls us to be the salt and the light of the earth.

Matthew 5:13-16

13 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[b] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Salt preserves. Light chases away darkness. I think it is imperative that we check in on each other. There are a lot of campaigns lately for awareness around mental health. I think often times the Christian response to this is to tell people they need Jesus. While this is so true, and having the saving love of Christ in your heart, knowing that He has already paid everything, can be the greatest comfort. The body of Christ is not called to close themselves in a closet and focus internally on what Christ has already done for us. He calls us to enter the world. He calls us to get down in the painful and broken and point to Him.

People are desperate for this connection, hence the obsession with social media. There are various Harvard Business Reviews I will link, talking about how social media interaction causes a positive feeling from the hormone dopamine that keeps bringing people back because it feels good. However, this one talks about how more and more young people don’t feel like they have any meaningful relationships that are outside of their online social network. And finally this article from Psychology Today discussing the need for strong personal relationships for someone to thrive and contributes the most to a person’s happiness.

I have a very specific reason for writing this post, and it feels like I am rambling to get there, but I want the point to be met that I recognize the need for connection. I recognize the need for reaching out. I want you to know dear friend, that you are not alone. I pray desperately that you would reach to someone close to you that you have been debating about opening up to. I pray that their heart will be open to receive it without judgement so you don’t have to fear telling your secret. And to the person reading this that feels whole, I am pleading with you to check on those around you. Preserve what is good in the world from the evil that is attacking it, and be the light that enhances that world and helps chase away the darkness.

I have recently experienced some darkness, and grief. It is not the way I hope to always describe it, but it is the best way I know how to express what I have been feeling. My first reaction is to pretend it isn’t there. To ignore the pain that I feel with it, put on a brave face, and tell everyone who knows that I am ok. I have been so blessed to have people in my life that have drawn it out of me. Family that is willing to just let me cry. Friends who tell me I don’t have to be brave and that they will just listen. I received a text from a friend I have confided in that simply read, “How is your heart today?” A simple message but one that allowed me the space to be honest, it was not a good day, and I let myself admit that. Finally, I have recently connected with a woman going through my same situation a few years ahead of me, and her first message back to me was not to reassure me that everything would be alright. Instead she said she was sorry, and that she knew it was hard and I was experiencing grief.

I know I will be ok.

I know I will get past my current feelings. I know I will come to celebrate what is currently making me sad, but until then, I will allow myself to feel it and I will share this secret. It is not one to hold in alone, but to feel deeply and share.